You will never be forgotten.

Oh my friends....

How will I ever put into words how emotionally draining today was? I can't.
There is no way I will ever be able to tell anyone exactly how my day went, because it was so... up and down.
It was the BEST day ever, don't get me wrong. I just mean that there were really happy times, and times all I wanted to do was book hundreds of plane tickets to take these kids home with me to live so that I could take care of them, feed them, get them warm, and give them love.
There were times when I was so distraught about what I was seeing that I actually felt my heart break into a million pieces and I couldn't help but wish I could take these kids place. I only wish that they didn't have to go through this, and I could do it all for them.
But there were times when I smiled and laughed so much with the kids, that I forgot that I even have to go home in two days. It feels like I have been granted this one thing in my life that seems to make me feel like nothing could ever go wrong. With these kids, I am a kind of happy that I will never be able to explain.

We left this morning at nine a.m. and loaded all the presents up in the truck and the van. We were going to SVP, our main orphanage, but they were at a Christmas fiesta, so we made our way to SL. They were also having a fiesta, but we waited for it to be over so we could distribute our gifts, and play with the kids for a while. We waited for almost an hour until the other people left, and then we had the kids sit with their specific casa. The kids were SO excited for their presents that it took them almost 10 minutes to sit down with their casa. They finally got sat down and we distributed the presents to them and played with them for a half hour or so. I didn't think I was going to start the tears at SL, but sure enough... they came. I was sitting there holding one of the most BEAUTIFUL baby girls in the entire world(lets be honest though, all of these kids are the most beautiful in the entire world to me), and I just kind of.... broke down I guess you could say. I took a look around me and realized that I was holding one of the best things Heavenly Father has ever sent to this earth, and her mom is no where to be found. Thats the part that got me. I want to be her mom. I want to be all these kids mom. I hate that there is only so much I can do, that tears me apart inside.
 I feel like I am totally just abandoning these kids for something I'm not even worthy of, a family.
There is another little boy that I kind of lost it with, I don't know his name, but I call him my little arabian boy because he looks like an arabian prince. He is beautiful. He looks like he should be at least one and a half, but he could be two. The problem is, he can't walk. his legs are like jello, and he just can't walk. I was holding him today and there was a couple minutes where he just sat there and looked me straight in the eyes, with his sweet big dark brown eyes. I have never had someone look at me like that, and it took everything in me to stand up and walk away from him. I know I will probably never see that sweet, beautiful little boy ever again, but I hope he felt my love today. I hope he knows that if I could have held him for the rest of forever... I would have. I know this all sounds stupid, because he probably doesn't even care, but I do care about him and hope he gets the best out of life.
There are some kids at SL who their siblins were relocated to another orphanage up by the equator, and we went their today, so we had them write notes to their brothers for Christmas for us to give them. How unfair is it that they didn't get to see their brothers on Christmas?
After SL we stopped by the house really quick to get some jackets, and pick up some more presents, and a family, and then we were on our way to Remar. We don't work at Remar, but that is the orphanage that some of the SL kids got relocated to, and they never get any donations because they are so far out by the equator and up a million dirt roads that it's just really hard to get to. Angel was talking to a 16 year old boy at SL who got relocated to Remar, but then ran away, and Angel asked why he ran away. Guess what this sweet little boy said? "I ran away because it was so cold." They don't have blankets to sleep with. They hardly have any warm clothes, and this tough 16 year old boy ran away because it was too cold. Can you imagine being that cold?
Honestly, I can't.
 So we went straight home and put all the blankets me and sharly brought down, and then some more that we found in distribution, in a bag and all the stuff we could find in distribution and were on our way. Us girls rode in the back of the truck for a hour and a half drive in the rain. The van was full with a family, and we decided we wanted to hand things out to kids on the streets, so we sat in the back of the truck. We only saw two little girls on the way who came up to us trying to sell us some fruit or something, but when they came up to us we had to little dora things for them, and I honestly have never seen anyone smile SO big. They just sat there and waved to us as we drove away, and would occasionally stare down at their new toy in awe. It was so cool to see someone so sincerely suprised and excited for something so small.
We only had blankets and a few toys for Remar, just because we weren't really planning on going there, but the family who came with us brought SO much. I honestly don't know how they got so much down here, but it was so awesome. I'm so grateful they came with us. They were so good to the kids. As soon as I walked into the room, a little girl named carmen came running toward me, jumped on me, and just hugged me. ahhh. Pretty soon, I was getting hand shakes and hugs from all the boys in the room. They were so sweet and polite, I have never met little boys like this. This orphanage is a boys orphanage, but they take really poor families in too, thats why the little girls were there. We saw the SL boys, and they came over and gave us big hugs. We showed them all pictures of their siblings, and miguel, one of the little boys, could not believe that it was his little brother. He said, "that can't be my brother... his hair is so short, and he looks so old!" He just kept staring at the picture with the BIGGEST smile on his face. Same thing with the other boys and their siblings. They just stared at the pictures. We spent a very long time at Remar. I was so happy we did, because these boys needed it. They needed someone to make Christmas fun for them. I'm glad we could at least play a little soccer with them, and get them toys so they could enjoy themselves. I hope they did.
Athena gave the director the blankets me and sharly brought down without me knowing, and she came up to me and told me how grateful the director of the orphanage was for them. She said, "we have been asking and asking for blankets because our kids are freezing to death at night, but this is the first time we have gotten them, thank you." When Athena told me that, it was everything I could do to not just sit on the floor and drown in my own tears, but I couldn't because I was surrounded by these beautiful kids.
A couple minutes later though, I felt a tap on my shoulder, and Athena said that I was the one who brought the blankets down with my sister. Before I knew what was going on, I had two arms wrapped around me tight and all I heard was "gracias, muchas gracias" in my ear. Of course, I started crying and just hugged her. I can't fathom being that grateful for a blanket, something that comes so easy at home. Something that I have like 29 of in my own house. She was the sweetest lady. I will never forget her face. She definitely deserves the world for what she does and feels for those boys. I made conversation with this little 12 year old boy, and he could barely talk. I asked how he was and he said he was sick. I could barely hear him speak because he was so sick. He was cold, and sick, and didn't have a lousy blanket to keep him warm at night. How does this happen in the world? How can this happen to so many people? I don't get it. I really don't.
This little boys name was Juan, and he had the sweetest little smile in the world. He reminded me of my little jeffy. He sat and hugged me when we were saying goodbye, and I don't know how I let go of that sweet little boy, but I did. I'll make it back to them one day, I hope. We got videos of the three boys who have siblings at SL, and one of the little boys told Amber to tell his sister that he loves her and misses her so much, and he is coming back for her, and is going to find her one day. My goodness. How can that not just break your heart? This little sweet boy loves his little sister probably more than life, and he has to be away from her for no reason. I just hope they can find each other again one day. I will pray for the rest of my life and longer. They need each other. There is so much I saw and heard today, but I feel like this pretty much does it as much justice as it can.
In the Christmas spirit, may we all take time to look around and see how incredibly much we all have, and take just a few minutes to pray for and think about those who have absolutely nothing. May we all be a little more humble, a little more grateful, a little more aware, and a little more thoughtful. May we be more kind, happy, and willing to do our part to help those around us. May we all take advantage of those chances we get to lift anothers spirit, to give of something we have, and to really let every person we come across bring something special into our life. Let us be welcome to a change of heart, and to the love of Christ. Let us all remember Christ this holiday season and exactly what he did for us, and everyone in the entire exsistence.
Let us be the most grateful for that gift and knowledge that we will be with our families forever... there is no end to our family. We will always have each other to lean on, and that is all that matters in life.

If I want anything this Christmas, I want to ask you to keep these kids in your prayers. Please.
I know it's sometimes hard to pray for someone you don't know, but if you just look at your little brother or sister, your own child, nephew, cousin, any child who you are close to, and if you can just think if they were freezing, and sick without a blanket to wrap up in, sitting in the middle of nowhere without someone like their mother to make things better, or if they were seperated from a sibling at only 12 years old with the possibility that they may never see that loved one again in this lifetime, THEN maybe it will be easier to keep them in your prayers. They are your brothers and sisters too.
We are all in this together. We need each other to get through the rough roads in this life.

I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas!
I love you, whoever is reading this.
I want to thank my parents and family for always being here for me, and never giving up on me.
I love you guys so much, you will never know how much.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Oh christmas time in Ecuador

So here I am with only three days left to hold my babies.

It's a weird feeling.

Well, of course it is because I haven't convinced myself that I am leaving on sunday night...
This could be a problem. I may never come home.
Every day get better and better with the kids, and I can't think about leaving right now.
I am trying to make the best of my last three heavenly days before I have to make the trek away from these sweet giant brown eyes.

You know, it's working. Yesterday and today were probably two of the best days I have had here so far. I am really really happy here. It's so nice because I get to be away from everything that doesn't matter. School, stress, trying to please everyone. The only thing I really am sad about being away from is my family and my close friends. I miss them. I know I am going to see them in all in three days though.

So right now...
My only focus is this:
Giving these kids the best christmas they can think of, to give them so many hugs and kisses, and make sure I look each one of the eye and tell them I love them everyday I have left with them so that I can go home feeling sad, yes, but so that I can go home feeling like I said and did everything I could to make them smile for the little window I was here for. I always want to remember their faces, their scars, their personalities.... everything.
I know I will.
I know these kids will forever be apart of me.

I can't wait to see their sweet little faces tomorrow morning! I have a feeling it is going to be the best day I will ever experience in my life. We are leaving at seven in the morning and going to all five of our sites, and handing out presents the entire day. I am so excited! I'll keep everyone updated. Then tomorrow night we are having a midnight Christmas dinner and then waking up at 6 to go to shift in the morning. This is a dream, i swear.
I love you all!

Merry Christmas everyone!

Nothing better than this, you feel just like the sun.

This, right here, right now, in this very second is the moment I have been waiting for for months.
To see you, to hold you, to kiss you.
To say your name and actually have you running toward me with your arms wide open.
To feel your arms wrap around me.
Every dream I have dreamt in the past five months is coming true.
Finally, when I wake up, I don't have to feel my heart sink deeper and deeper.
Instead, within twenty minutes of me waking up, I get to see your bright and smiling(don't forget mildly snotty) faces peering through the bars of your cunas.

Although it's not the same as the first time, my heart feels more happy than it ever has felt.
I get to be here with you for Christmas. I couldn't want anything more than that.
I couldn't want anything more than for you to be the first thing I see in the morning and the last thing I see at night. To hear you laugh, to see you smile, and to feel your hugs is the best Christmas present anyone could ever give me.

You are my light, life, and consume my entire heart.
I don't know how you did it, but you made me love you instantly, and my heart will always hold onto you.

I am here with you now.

Taking a moment to take a deep breath and realize what is surrounding me.... this is incredible.
I can't fathom this. I hear "Wendy!" When I see the casa kids, and it feels like I never left. It feels like time hasn't past at all, that they haven't grown at all. But they have. They are all so tall, smart, and old.

My uno babies are all in dos, and most of my dos babies are all in tres. Babies I never thought I'd be able to see walk, are walking, and babies I never thought I'd be able to see talk, are starting to talk. It's so weird to walk around the town. Nothing has changed. I know it's only been five months, but it feels like it's been years.

I miss my family. I really do.
I miss them quite a bit actually, but I know this Christmas is going to be the best I will ever have. It already is. Working all day everyday with these kids is perfect. It's all I wanted. Holding Katy all afternoon yesterday when she was sick made me feel at home. Comforting her when she was sick is something I have dreamed of for months. All I have wanted was to hold them when they are feeling sad, or sick. This week that came true.
I want them to feel my love for them, as much as I feel their love for me.

They are bigger than anything I've ever had come into my life. They change my life more and more everyday.
I am so grateful to them. For everything.
I love them.
They are the most amazing children on this earth, and I love them more than life itself.
I don't know what any of us(osso girls) would do without them.

Thank you mom, and dad, I MEAN SANTA, for giving me the best Christmas present you could have ever given me. You are the best parents in the world and I couldn't be more grateful for you two. You are why I am here, and the reason I met these little angels. I love you both and I hope you two and jeffrey have the best christmas! I miss you guys.I love you.

Until next week.